A Personal Wake-Up Call

In the past, when I have read or heard the parable of the sower and his seed (Do you know the one, from Matthew 13, Mark 4, and Luke 8?), in pride, I've assumed I'm the "good soil." However, if I am honest with myself, I realize that more often than not the effect of God's word in my life is more like what Mark 4:18-19 describes, "And others are the ones sown among thorns. They are those who hear the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it proves unfruitful."

In Chapel Hill, when I awake and make my way into the kitchen to grind the coffee beans and rummage for a handful of cereal, my apartment is quiet; the temptation to twitter or check my email is there, but for the most part, I come, undistracted, to read God's word. In Greensboro, when I awake, the coffee has usually been made, breakfast options are numerous, and my brothers' play can be heard in every room of the house; the temptation to twitter or check my email is still present. I love being home; it's a blessing to be reminded each day of a part of my God-given identity that can be forgotten or pushed aside when I am "on my own": I'm a sister and a daughter, and the Lord does wonderful things in my heart and life as I embrace these roles in joy and with contentment to his glory. Nonetheless, that "undistracted" time with God can vanish.

I've been asking myself lately, so what's the problem, why does my hunger for God seem to be ebbing more than it is growing? Must I wake up earlier? Maybe (probably :D). But even in my life as a single woman in Chapel Hill, I still struggle with reading God's word but not "eating it" and finding my delight and joy in it (Jeremiah 15:16) and then "filling" myself with substitutes for God the rest of the day.

So, it appears to me, that being the "good soil" has little to do with whether or not I hear (or read) the word and much to do with what I do as and after I read the word, as and after it is sown into my heart....

Do I
1) understand it (Matt 13:23)?
2) accept it (Mark 4:20)?
3) "hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience" (Luke 8:15)?

(here's my attempt to personalize it)

Do I
1) take the time to study God's word, discovering the context of what I am reading, look up words I don't know, delve into harder passages, write notes, etc.?
2) grapple with the passage, submit to it, come under its authority as God's very words to me, let it rebuke, convict, startle, humble, excite me; meditate, journal, re-read, obey?
3) seek to apply God's word to my life? In order to "hold fast" to it, are there thoughts and behaviors that I must renounce, let go and repent of, are there good gifts that I must fast from for a time? Am I committed to letting God work his word into my heart day by day through whatever means he chooses while I, in victory (because he's good) and failure (because we can do nothing apart from him and must be reminded of our utter dependence on him), stay near to the cross of Jesus in repentance and awe? Will I not grow weary in doing good, trusting that at "the proper time [I] will reap a harvest if [I] do not give up" (Galatians 6:9)?

Do I get creative: write verses on notecards, make time to share what God is speaking to me with others, seek out gospel-centered music and books to listen to and read? Do I pray a lot?

Or do I close my Bible, go into my day, and let the cares of the world (my to-do list, my future plans), the deceitfulness of riches (the way new stuff, great times with friends, sweet music, a good hair day or oufit can make me feel happy but has the danger of making me happy apart from God and vulnerable to idolatry), and desires for other things (the above "riches," marriage, tasty food, adventure, success in the world) choke out the living word of God from real, lived-out expression in my life?....

I woke up before anyone else this morning. And I realized that it's not the loudness or busyness of a household of eight that keeps me from God's word, and it's not the "summer air" that keeps me from discipline and combats the "fruit-bearing" in my life, it's the things Jesus lists in Mark 4:19, it's the sin in my heart.

I'm thankful I couldn't sleep so that God could expose the drift in my life. Most of all, I'm thankful that, because of Jesus' finished work on the cross, I am not under condemnation, but can come to God's throne of mercy and grace (again and again) and find all that I need for life and godliness, that I can come to the Bread of Life and be filled, the Living Water and never thirst again.

For my brothers and sisters in Christ, the same is true for you! I hope you are encouraged to keep fighting the good fight of faith!

1 Corinthians 6: 9-11, "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

Romans 12: 1-2, "[...] in view of God's mercy, [...] offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."